The Arts of Relationship – April 13

By Ps. Hanny Yasaputra


The greatest source of pain and joy, frustration and happiness is found in LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. That’s why so many books have been written on this topic and so many specialists have been born in this generation on this issue. But do we solve the problem? Do we decrease the conflict? Do we dissolve the word “divorce”?


Before I got married, I was a young man waiting for someone to fulfil my joy, my delight, my purpose and my life. In the same time, I was confused on apostle Paul’s word in 1 Cor 7:28, “but those who marry will face MANY troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” Terrible wasn’t it? I thought – “goodness gracious Paul!” if you are not married – so be it, that’s your choice. But I want to be married SO I can be happy.  Ends up, I owed apology to apostle Paul on his wisdom on ministering wholly to the Lord, which is the foundation of ministering to your spouse.


I have learn in my 24th years married to the same woman – sometimes your high expectations on your spouse will be dashed, but you don’t wait for other people changed – you have to change you by decreasing your expectation. When disagreement was there between us, I will try to understand her – why she acted or said like that. With a great help of the Holy Spirit – I subjected myself to keep love her whatever she is.  So, if you want your spouse treat you nicely, give first a kingly class treatment to your spouse. Love them as you love yourself.


One way to communicate with your spouse is through the concept of languages of love*. Start with a question, “When is the last time you laugh together with your spouse?” If the Scripture tells us – “A merry heart does good like a medicine…” I think one thing that makes my wife and I still in love, because both of us are still enjoying our present together, we laugh until teary eyes, we found unity in our family when we joked between our members of family.  We make jokes without decreasing our love and respect toward one each other.


Acts of service like washing clothes, washing dishes and ironing are the way I serve my family. And my wife cooks the best dishes, she takes a good care our home, she does take care of our children and so many things as her acts of service to her family.

Just in case I can go back to the past 24 years, I should loved and treated her with more dignity and more noble, because when I was in the time of need, my wife helped me with working hard and prayerfully for my success in pursuing education. She worked hard to help me pay the tuition of my school. She deserves three or more carats of diamond. Her goodness and kindness are a great model for our children and our congregation.

            I know that I got the favour of God when I said “I do” to my beloved wife Andriana Soewana. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” Prov.18:22

            We are now very happy to see our children grow up in the fear of God and fulfil their destiny in His Kingdom.  Not finished yet, but exciting to see what the Lord will do toward us and through us.



* “THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE” by Gary Chapman is a brilliant book with the TRUTH inside it. It’s effective if you do according to it. 

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